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Joke of the Day

"this is ur brain *an egg* this is drugs *a frying pan* this is ur brain on drugs *egg & frying pan wearing sunglasses*"

"A powerful tornado tore through our town last night. So far, eight bodies have been found. Plot twister. It only damaged the graveyard."

"[moving her panties to the side] HEY MAA, I'M MAKING ROOM FOR MY LEGOS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR DRAWER."

"Why did the man tell his mom to get him out of prison? She had gotten him out of a tight spot before."

"Revenge idea if a girlfriend dumps you: sneak into her house, tighten the lids on all her jars."

"The Dallas gunman was a bit late. I know he wanted red whites in blue, but the 4th of July was like a week and a half ago."

"I am taking a shot for every ""like"" I get on this status. Then again, I'm taking shots whether you bastards like it or not."

"When I was done filling my tank, a little bit of gas leaked out of the nozzle onto the ground. I actually felt my peener nod with empathy."

"Using the phrase ""what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,"" only shows that you're unoriginal and know nothing about spinal cord injuries."

"Do people who bring bikes on the subway know about riding bikes?"