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Joke of the Day
"I one the sandwich."
Next Joke
"Does Hitler have a favorite number? Hitler: Nine."
"What did the ocean ask the scooba diver? Water you doing here?"
"If you can't be interesting, please at least have a completely insane allergy."
"What do you call a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, Chris Brown doesn't want you getting involved in his personal life"
"2 first names I don't trust people with 2 first names: Paul Ryan, Larry David, Martin Lawrence, Saddam Hussein http://www.twitter.com/HireMeImFunny"
"What is the process for a terrorist kidnapping? Well, first Demascus, then they Baghdad!"
"I feel like every time a GOP candidate drops out, Oompa Loompas should appear & sing a song to teach us about the perils of gluttony & greed"
"I used to only listen to classical music... ...but now I think outside of the Bachs."
"I like my men like I like my coffee... Tall, dark, and fantastic in the morning"