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Joke of the Day

"I feel like every time a GOP candidate drops out, Oompa Loompas should appear & sing a song to teach us about the perils of gluttony & greed"

"I take everything with a grain of salt these days Now I have hypertension"

"Did you hear they finally caught the watch thief? It was only a matter of time!"

"My friend asked me if the new Star Wars movie was in 3D I said yes, but they R2D2"

"I found a lone sock left in the laundry room and I thought to myself, ""poor sole""."

"Whats the opposite of progress? Congress"

"Which elf likes to click pictures? sELFie"

"How many ears does Captain Kirk have. He has three, a Left ear, right ear... and a final front ear."

"I can turn wine into a one night stand. Your move Jesus."

"I thought ""asbestos"" was Spanish for ""best ass."""