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Joke of the Day
"If you can't be interesting, please at least have a completely insane allergy."
Next Joke
"My nephew asked, 'Do you have a New Years hangover today?' I said, 'No. Hangovers are for people who stop drinking'."
"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay money to have a garbanzo bean on my face."
"A smooth close shave with a brand new razor blade is the best feeling in the world! ... was not the best thing to say to my wife shortly after sex."
"Why are lazy farmers so great? Because they are just out standing in their fields."
"Why do professional boxers not have sex the night before a big fight? Because they don't like each other very much."
"needs to stop keeping the cocaine next to the coffee creamer. I screwed up again. drinking a cup now and it has that weird milky taste."
"Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There's no need to remind him every six months about it."
"ME: Jesus Christ, this is the slowest train I've ever travelled on BRIDE: Someone please get this prick off my dress"
"1. Ice *check* 2. Ice *check* 3. Baby *calls 911* - Freezer Inspector -"