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Joke of the Day

"just applied for health insurance & boy r my arms tired! *quote goes up to $330/month* noooo it was a joke I'm a jokeman on Twitter *$3000*"

"One of the toddlers on the Intensive Care Unit is playing with a toy donkey. ICU baby, shaking that ass."

"The perfect response to ""there's a party in my pants and everyone's coming"" ""Is it a search party?"" Ba-dum-tiss.."

"The Packers or the Colts. Take your Pick"

"Why is it so hard for men to get on Christian Mingle? Only women get a ""SUBMIT"" button."

"What did one steak say to another? Nice to meat you"

"Hand me the Phillips screwdriver, babe. No, the Phillips. NO. Ok look, hand me the thing you stabbed me with on New Year's. Thanks pumpkin!"

"What's Whitney Houston's favorite form of coordination? HAAAAANNNNND EEEYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEYYYYEEE"

"Where does a salmon go to deposit a check? To the river bank!"

"I hate it when restraining orders get in the way of meaningful relationships. Well played future wife. You win this round"