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Joke of the Day

"Sidebar rule: Reposts are allowed... ...and clear statement that you want to take credit for someone else's work."

"What did the cannibal girl do after she dumped her boyfriend? Wiped her butt."

"Sitting while wearing shorts is a fun way to make your thighs look like they escaped sausage casing."

"My music preferences range between something your grandma would listen to, to something that could potentially kill her."

"What's your ring tone? Pinkish with a bit of brown."

"What did the butcher say when he handed his customer an empty pack of hotdogs on halloween? Happy halloweenie"

"If I own a gym my employees will be required to intermittently pester you. If you don't like it don't come to Jehovah's Fitness."

"[The Beatles writing Here Comes The Sun] Paul: so what should come after here comes the sun? [Ringo screams from bathroom]: Doo Doo, Doo Doo"

"Hitting on a girl at a bar.... She keeps telling me ""Dan, I'm bisexual, I'm bisexual."" I say ""That's great. I buy sex too. How much?"""

"You know you're getting old when the kids start referring to your savings as their inheritance."