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Joke of the Day

"Hear about the guy that built a car out of a bank vault? He wanted to be a safe driver."

"*Pulls gun* Alright give me the money, and don't try anything stupid."" *Tries to put a fork in a light socket* ""Hey! What did I just say""!?"

"What is ""Mary"" short for? She has no legs!"

"""the pizza boy is here"" It's time, I thought, cocking my shotgun. I was sending this half pizza half man abomination straight back to hell"

"Gf: do I look fat in these pants? Brain: oh god it's a trap, this is what we've been training for Me: I've seen worse Brain: WTF MAN"

"Why don't women fart? They can't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up pressure"

"I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I'm sorry. but I've moved on."

"YOU SHOULD BE CALLED JEHOVAH'S FITNESS! I yell as I lose my breath chasing them down the street."

"Why do vacuums machines make for such terrible hairdriers? because they suck."

"Never yell about your hatred towards black eyes at a NAACP convention."