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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend? Because they're both cauldron"

"It hurts my feelings when people call me a failure. I'd rather people think of me as successfully challenged."

"I once dated a girl with a wandering eye... ...but she was seeing somebody on the side."

"What do you call a black political figure? A *coon*gressman"

"My girlfriend just text me that she really hates periods... I told her without them, life would just be one long run-on-sentence"

"What's brown and sounds like a bell? DUNNNG! What's brown and sounds like a Southern Belle? Blanche Devereaux with a tan."

"Did you hear the one about the loyal Jewish patriot who put America's interests ahead of Israel's? Me neither."

"A man walks into a bar.. A man walks into a bar and says: ""Hey bartender! I fucked your mum last night!"" The bartender looks up and replies: ""Fuck off dad, I'm working."""

"Do you smoke? Smokers: ""Yes."" Non-Smokers: ""Never have, never will."" Stoners: ""Smoke what?"""

"A boat carrying red paint, and a boat carrying blue paint, both crash into each other. The crew are now marooned."