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Joke of the Day

"There was a piece of cake in the fridge with a note on it that said, ""Don't eat me."" Now there's an empty plate and a note, ""I don't take orders from a cake."""

"COP: We have reports of u blasting music. ME: Sorry I'll keep the Metallica down COP: We were told it was Britney Spears ""Lucky."" On repeat."

"When a woman is in labor... When a woman is in labor and the pain is so unbearable, it is the closest she comes to understanding what it is like to be a man with the common cold. :}"

"Does Bill Nye always wear a bowtie? Seriously though?"

"Why did the man clean up after getting a sex change? He felt disorganized."

"If I were gonna give advice about how to survive leaving your phone at home, it would be this: stare at something else. I chose a weird baby"

"Baby, let's configure our hard drives in master and slave position."

"What is it called when a person pretends to use the toilet. A sham poo."

"Me: I haven't tweeted in days. Wife: Oh no! Hold on... *opens laptop *types Wife: Phew! Me: What? Wife: Looks like the Internet survived."

"What Do You Call A Dead Redditor? [REMOVED]"