212790

Joke of the Day

"Taco guy: guac costs extra Obi Wan: [wafts hand] guac is free Taco Guy: guac is free... Anakin: why'd u even pay for the taco? Obi Wan: dammit"

"Japanese boy kills his grandfather... Pfft, youth in Asia."

"How many hours A guys asked he's wife ""how many hours will it take me to get to 80 miles going 80mph"" the wife looks at him confused and answers ""80 hours"""

"Only my husband would walk up to my gynecologist in Costco, point at me, give him the two thumbs up while grinning and say, 'Nice one, huh?'"

"There's a spider in my bathroom. I neither can kill it or capture it, so now it has its very own room in my house to raise its spider family"

"Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar. I've been doing nothing for years."

"Why do feminist picnics suck? Because no one made any sandwiches."

"Did you hear about the constipated Mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil."

"Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I'll be watching you. Dog"

"If you want to know what I'm like in bed, try plugging something into a USB port in the dark."