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Joke of the Day

"I hate when waitresses flirt with me.. I can't tell if they just want the tip or if they want just the tip."

"Did y'all hear the one about the tortilla song? Don't have source, but now that I think about it, it may have been a rap"

"What do you call the inhabitants of London? Arabs"

"Sometimes I walk up to a plant and exhale carbon dioxide all over it. Did I save its life? Maybe. Am I a hero? That's for history to decide."

"There are 2 things I hate in this world... People who can't count."

"Why did the little Dutch boy have to register as a sex offender? He kept on sticking his finger in a tyke."

"People always freak out when I start playing their kid like a bass. It's like chill, you can play him like a bass too once I finish the song"

"What did the ocean say? Nothing, he just waved."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea? I've never paid money to have a lentil on my face!"

"In a parallel universe, a zebra is walking around her contemporary decorated house, on top of a skinned blonde chick with big hoops rug."