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Joke of the Day

"I volunteer a lot at a children's hospice... It never gets old."

"What did Emma Sulkowicz get for her birthday? I don't know but I'll tell you what she didn't get. Raped"

"I had sex with my teacher yesterday... God damn it feels good to be homeschooled."

"i went to a bookshop And asked for a book about tortoises. The woman asked ""hardback?"" I said ""yeah, and little heads."""

"Wat did the mermaid wear to her math exam? An algae-bra."

"What's it called when you commission someone to make an animated image for your girlfriend but he pockets the money and disappears? A gf gif gift grift"

"Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on. Boom, problem solved!"

"My God: dead. My world: disenchanted. My invitation on LinkedIn: declined."

"If she boasts how adult coloring is therapeutic and has made her more tolerant and patient Hide her markers And wait..."

"[neil degrasse tyson voice] the film is called Home Alone but thats actually a misnomer. in fact, kevin was joined in his home by 2 burglars"