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Joke of the Day

"What's it called when you commission someone to make an animated image for your girlfriend but he pockets the money and disappears? A gf gif gift grift"

"How many? How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb? None - it's probably screwed it too tight anyhow!"

"I caught myself whistling the Unsolved Mysteries theme while hiding a body."

"Steve Irwin lived like he died... ...with animals in his heart."

"Osama Bon Jovi"

"Any writer can be a ghost writer if you kill them"

"Whats the difference between reddit and hell? Hell *fires* bad people"

"Ethnic cleansing Is that what Michael Jackson did?"

"I've just started work as a human chess piece. The money's good, I'm on knights this week."

"A cop stopped me and asked ""Do you know why I followed you "" so I said ""because my tweets are funny"" & we laughed & high-fived & I'm in Jail..."