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Joke of the Day

"What do you call silly pasta? A noodlehead.."

"[shopping] [wife being a real pain] Me: *hands her the broom we just bought* You want me to carry this? Or do you want to drive it home?"

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles ^I ^am ^so ^sorry"

"So I asked my wife, were you faking it last night? She said: no I really was asleep. (I heard this from Gazzo on Penn & Teller: Fool Us)"

"[hospital] ""We found the problem. There's an entire sheep in your stomach."" ""Is that bahahaad?"" ""Yes. It's causing some internal bleating."""

"Why is Halloween a crackheads' favourite holiday? Only two more sleeps til' Christmas!"

"*double-checks the constitution to see if we really have to have a president*"

"Her: I like risk takers Me:[goes to the McDonalds Drive Thru and places a complicated order. Grabs the bag and drives off w/o checking it]"

"The awkward moment when you've already said ""what?"" three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree."

"Tell the Punchline first. How do you ruin a joke?"