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Joke of the Day

"Oh no I just accidentally did everything wrong all my life"

"In 1974 I helped a man called ""Falcon"" throw a heavy bag into the river.That nite on the news, I learned what it was: 300lbs of used condoms"

"Do not use ""Whoomp! There it is!"" unless it actually is there."

"So my girlfriend's sign was Cancer. which is quite ironic considering how she died. She was attacked by a giant crab..."

"Eating food off the floor, taking pills, trying to chase away ghosts? I grew up to be Pac-Man"

"A horse walks into a pub and the bartender says, ""hey we've got a drink named after you"". The horse responded, ""what, Eric, really""?"

"Knock knock... *Who's there?* Dwain. *Dwain who?* Dwain the bathtub I'm dwowning!"

"*i get on a rollercoaster with my washing machine* ""Hold tight son...WAIT! If u are here then.."" *son is at home w/ a mouth full of laundry*"

"If you have any snacks left when the movie starts you're a wizard & need to be killed."

"So last year I dressed up as a bop it for Halloween... I should've known I'd end up in jail"