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Joke of the Day

"Eating food off the floor, taking pills, trying to chase away ghosts? I grew up to be Pac-Man"

"If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself."

"Me watching the Olympics: oh wow, that was impressive! announcer: ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"

"[LPT request] how to wake up from a bad dream. Wait. What do you mean he's really president?"

"Freaking out people walking round the cemetery dressed as a Ghostbuster."

"What has four wheels and flies A Garbage truck"

"The Nazi's weren't bad guys. And I know I'm 100% reich about this."

"I could die But I'm afraid of the reapercussions"

"A small bird flew right onto the side of my butt while I was running today I was wrong, there are chicks out there that find me to be their type."

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? Anything, what's he gonna do about it?"