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Joke of the Day

"Knock knock... *Who's there?* Dwain. *Dwain who?* Dwain the bathtub I'm dwowning!"

"Why do people make shitposts? Because they are in a crappy mood."

"We haven't spent a dime for snake food since I discovered all the free pets on craigslist."

"So a gay guy just bought a house... He is now a Homowner"

"Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair."

"How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? All of them, skyscrapers can't jump."

"Did you hear the Prince died in his recording studio? There was some dead air."

"Me: Help someone is trying to gain entry to my home, send the police! Her: Calm down, where are they now? Me: Still ringing the doorbell"

"I realized I left my tuba in the car with the doors unlocked... I raced back as quick as I could and sure enough when I looked inside, there were two tubas."

"I truly believe that there are some people who listen to you when you talk and there's other people who just wait for it to be their turn."