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Joke of the Day

"I don't like Russian dolls... They're so full of themselves"

"Everyone in my family is quite wealthy and successful... ...but I hate following the crowd, so I decided to become a panhandler instead. I beg to differ."

"I'm really tired all the time, I think I have stereo... It's like I have mono times two"

"[Opens ""Where's Waldo?"" book to page with Eiffel Tower.] ""Paris. Easy. Next!"""

"What's the difference between snowmen and snow women? Snow balls"

"How do you know shes the one? Because she Gives you a blowjobs even when she's dead."

"[on way to play charades with gf's family] I don't wanna go why I don't wanna look silly you won't *first thing I have to act out is pasta*"

"How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one. But they totally wanted it."

"My talking dog gave me a stick the other day and told me he found it 600 miles away. That's a bit far-fetched."

"Audrey Hepburn probably has my favorite last name that combines an STD and a symptom of an STD"