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Joke of the Day

"Q: How many Studio Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: We don't know. Light bulbs last longer than studio executives."

"You didn't have to say ""he's a male nurse."" When you said 'he' my psychic ability of gender discernment kicked in."

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced it with,but I've been tripping all day."

"You can tell Monopoly is an old game; Rich people can go to jail."

"I don't want to just eat Olive Garden. I want to eat OLIVE it."

"RIP to the Italian chef, it's nice to gnocchi pasta pizzafully."

"Bought cheap helium gas. Now boyfriend's annoying snoring doesn't make me want to kill him, but my fear of clowns has tripled.."

"Why did the army's craftsman enact a ""Don't Ask, Don't Tell"" Policy? He didn't want any glaze in the military"

"I wish I could put my whole fucking house in the washing machine."

"An Irishman walks past a bar... ..no, really. It can happen."