211994

Joke of the Day

"*detective bangs on table* I SAID GIVE ME A NAME! ""Uh, Aaron?"" Aaron... I like it! *'Aaron' leaves interrogation room, ready for a new life*"

"People accuse me of never giving a damn about anyone but myself, but I distinctly remember saying 'bless you' when someone sneezed last year"

"""It's 3am and everyone is asleep. Must run into random rooms as fast as I can and jump on everything"" - cats"

"""Mickey Mouse, it says here that you want to divorce Minnie because she was... extremely silly?"" ""No, I said she was fucking Goofy."""

"How does batman order his iced water? ""Can I get that..Just ice"""

"Not sure video Instagram is a good idea. I've never looked at a picture of someone's dinner and thought, ""If only I could hear this."""

"My house is full of Valentines cards. I'm not a legend though Just a lazy postman"

"""You don't have to press the buttons harder to go faster"" Said no gamer ever."

"Did you hear about the ghost who was a great football player? No, what about him? He's a spooktacular quarterback."

"What would LMFAO's hit song be called if they were Russian? ""I'm Slavic and I know it"""