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Joke of the Day

"People accuse me of never giving a damn about anyone but myself, but I distinctly remember saying 'bless you' when someone sneezed last year"

"Girl, me without you is like the History Channel without World War Two."

"Sitting outside the dentist office eating Oreos, b/c I think everyone should earn their pay."

"Damn girl, is it just me, Or did I just damn you to hell for the sake of pick up line?"

"What's the only thing that could have saved George Michael? A whambulance"

"The Three Laws of Secure Computing 1) Don't buy a computer. 2) If you do buy a computer don't plug it in. 3) If you do plug it in sell it and return to step 1."

"Highway to Hell is my favorite wedding song."

"I like to get up early on Sundays, have my coffee, watch the sunrise, and pretend everyone else died of polio."

"Male ladybugs prefer to be called ""bugs."""

"Jack and Jill went up the hill So Jack can bang Jill's fanny. Jack came down with quite a frown Because Jill's a fucking tranny."