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Joke of the Day

"If I died suddenly, I wonder if anyone would take my previously unreleased tweets & remix them with Akon or whatever."

"What part of Popeye has the smoothest skin? The part he dips in Olive Oyl."

"It's a bird, it's a plane! No, it's my data plan!"

"How is a gynecologist like a pizza delivery boy? They both get close enough to smell it, but if they eat it, they'll be fired."

"What do you call a time traveler who masturbated in the future? A blast from the past."

"This idiot from Apple reckons that the ""Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down"" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies"

"My father would always tell me, ""Son, someday you will go far..."" ""and I hope to God that you stay there."""

"How do salespeople traditionally greet each other? ""Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."""

"Some guy told me he liked me, but he doesn't follow me on twitter so his opinion is invalid."

"2 Penises rob a bank 2 Penises are busy robbing a bank. All of a sudden a vibrator bursts through the doors. The one penis says to the other: ""Oh fuck! It's RoboCop!'"