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Joke of the Day

"What is the first thing a woman should do when she gets out of the Battered Women's Shelter? The dishes, if she knows what's good for her."

"A horse walks into a bar in Area 51 and the bartender asks [punchline has been deleted by the American Government]"

"I bought my shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day."

"Making dinner in a slow cooker involves two of my favorite things: food and panicking that I've left an appliance on for seven hours."

"why did the bird-shit did not fall on the man standing under the tree right under the parrot? the bird was wearing underpants."

"The Bat-phone rings, it's... Commissioner Gordon. ""Batman, Jokers at it again. He's stolen all of tampons in Gotham. It's a bloody mess..."""

"""This is gonna be so awful, and everyone's least favorite, yet .0001 of the population will keep it in demand."" - Inventor of licorice"

"If you ever really want someone to call back, leave them a message saying, ""I've got tickets to..."" and hang up"

"It's the point of the night where I either keep my drunk friend from making an ass of herself or just tape it for youtube."

"two guy's are sitting on the front porch in the yard they see a dog licking his balls one say's to the other do you think I could do that? his buddy says maybe but I think you should pet him first"