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Joke of the Day

"Please help me find my lost pet sloth. It was just right here and, oh, never mind, it's still right here."

"Nothing makes sex more awkward than realizing your kid is awake... and standing outside your door... and playing the harmonica."

"A robber went into a music store. Everybody got down."

"So what do you pack for the end of the world? I'm thinking lots of toilet paper, oh and guns to protect my toilet paper."

"(nsfw) Why did God invent yeast infections? So women also will know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt."

"I WISH I WAS DUMBER SO I DIDNT REALIZE THE SUBTLE HORRORS OF THE UNIVERSE"

"Why is outer space so cold? All the space heaters are on earth!"

"Glove modeling is a very stable career path... ... you are sure to get a hand job every day."

"A Trump Irony How is Trump going to keep immigrants out if he can't keep protesters from crashing his rally?"

"Answering all the 'how r u' DM's with 'I got my period' is going surprising well"