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Joke of the Day

"A woman once told me to look at the world through her eyes. So I looked out the kitchen window."

"After eating Thanksgiving at my house, my friends are always asking me how I prepare the turkey... ...easy, I tell the bird he is going to die."

"Drunk sex is like a WNBA game. It lasts 2 hours and nobody comes."

"My girlfriend and I play a game where we see who can yell rape the loudest while having sex. She doesn't know we play it but she still wins every time."

"Instead of smiling and nodding through a conversation, try clapping and nodding. People will stop talking to you."

"Why can't a blonde count to 70? Because 69 is always a mouthful."

"I'm not a ""stalker"". I want to make sure you're okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard."

"Love the F word... Friday! What were you thinking?"

"Mexicans cats are attacking my home! Looks like a ""Gato raid"""

"What do you get when you mix human DNA with zebra DNA? Well, kicked out of the zoo for starters."