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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you mix human DNA with zebra DNA? Well, kicked out of the zoo for starters."

"Interviewer: what's your greatest weakness? Me: I'm always very honest. Interviewer: I don't think that's a weakness. Me: I don't give a fuck what you think."

"A friend asked me if I knew what the best pizza was. I said I didn't know but Digior knows"

"I love going to the dentist. He fills all my cavities. Then checks my teeth."

"The inauguration ceremony should be like the olympics. They can play the US national anthem, then the Russian one."

"My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?"

"What do you call a bear that can't win? A Chicago Bear"

"[NSFW] why do penguins have flat dicks? Because they masturbate like this *imitates penguin flapping arms*"

"It's not sex until you walk away with a nose bleed, and the Eye Of The Tiger song is still playing in your head."

"What's Justin Bieber's favorite make of car? Voltz-swaggin. I thought of this myself and I am so, so sorry."