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Joke of the Day
"Have you heard about the pussy that opens beer bottles? Here's a bottle opener, go get me a beer."
Next Joke
"If you're looking for a relationship, become a roofer. You're bound to find hot shingles in your area"
"Something my Grandfather (WWII Vet) used to say. Old proverb says, ""Girl who fly plane upside-down, have crack-up."""
"[OC] So I went downstairs to check the time on a clock... But it was saying 4:04: Time Not Found!"
"I'm doing the vacuuming.. It doesn't need doing but it's a legitimate way of annoying the kids"
"""To be perfectly honest, I'm not a huge fan of beats by Dre."" --Dee Barnes [Context for the clueless](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dee_Barnes)."
"If I had a dollar for every time I heard ""grow up!"" I could buy a seriously awesome security system to keep doody heads out of my fort."
"What's the hardest part of making monster soup? Stirring it."
"I went to a Japanese restaurant and the noodles were disgusting. I guess you could say they were stone cold soba."
"A man with his hands in his pants is not crazy... ...he's just feeling nuts!"