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Joke of the Day

"A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase. I don't think hes alright now."

"How many ants does it take to rent a house? Ten ants"

"Donald Trump has all the materials he needs to build that wall When he was elected millions of Democrats shit a brick"

"""Sooo sorry I fell asleep during your wedding. It was rude but your vows were like SO long. Anyway, you may now kiss the bride"""

"The guy who told me I sucked at tennis puns is failing as a comic. Serves him right."

"If farting under the covers is a Dutch oven... is doing it in the shower a German oven?"

"Time flies like an arrow.. Fruit flies like a banana."

"What do people store their fondest memories in? A nostaljar."

"If you only had 1% battery left on your phone, what would you tweet? Because clearly we'd still tweet."

"My husband just had a heart attack during climax He was nearly there - but then he was nearly gone."