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Joke of the Day

"Hi, I spend 3 minutes every day choosing a TV channel to leave on for my dog, then I go to work and people take me seriously as an adult."

"Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seat belt"

"Hey waiters-I don't ever 'save room for dessert', I just stuff it in there and pray to God I don't have an accident."

"'Mum, can I lick the bowl? ' the child asks ""No!"" Replied the mother, ""just flush like everyone else"""

"Fart John farts in the local market and Jack says: ""What was that ?"" John says: ""That was an atomic bomb"""

"How to you make a Hormone? You kick her in the groin."

"Vegetarian is an ancient Native Indian word meaning ""bad hunter""."

"I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i'm pretty sure they're hallucinations."

"I'm less upset with Lance Armstrong lying about taking performance-enchancing drugs than I am at Oprah for lying about retiring."

"Gravity 0/5: Worst Space Jam sequel ever. Literally no basketball."