193065
Joke of the Day
"Gravity 0/5: Worst Space Jam sequel ever. Literally no basketball."
Next Joke
"A Russian, an Irishman and a Scott walks into a bar.. Just kidding. They never left the bar in the beginning"
"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"It doesn't matter how up-to-date your donor card is, the hospital gets really judgey when you drop off a liver unannounced."
"NASA claims that they've just discovered blood sucking bugs on the moon. They're a bunch of lunatics."
"Can officially confirm that the way to a man's heart these days is not through beauty, food, sex, or alluringness of character, but merely the ability to seem not very interested in him."
"Summer is here I'm at home and thinking: Should I go outside and look at those I can't fuck, or should I stay here and fuck the one I can't even look at?"
"I always feel like I'm wasting a text message whenever I respond with just ""K."" Now I write ""Potassium"" instead."
"""What rhymes with California?"" -Every Red Hot Chili Peppers song writing session ever"
"It's the eye of the tiger. It's the spleen of a sheep."