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Joke of the Day

"I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i'm pretty sure they're hallucinations."

"How do you make a goldfish old? Take away the G."

"Your mom said she wanted something that could go from zero to two hundred in 3 seconds... ...so I bought her a scale."

"I told my girlfriend to roleplay as a a Lvl 100 Charizard while we were having sex. She scratched me and told me that I didn't have enough badges to train her."

"The best way to prepare for Motherhood is to put Dora on TV for 9 months, set your alarm for every 45 minutes and throw food on your floors."

"I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn't a very good one."

"If you like the song ""Red Red Wine"" then U B 40."

"I sometimes send letters to my parents... They're nothing to write home about."

"[1st date] [to self] Don't let her know ur a boa constrictor Her: ""How's your meal?"" [i've dislocated my jaw & swallowed the whole table]"

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline"