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Joke of the Day

"If you are a rock climber and are looking for new carabiner... I can get you a nice hookup on a deal. Edit: Apparently I can't edit the title to add the missing letter."

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"Super convenient that my arms came with cup holders."
"google logo keeps changing its appearance because it killed a man in Tampa in 1999 and has to stay ahead of the law"
"I wish there was an app where I could point my phone at someone and find out exactly how much money they make."
"Me: Yeah man, got her right where I want her Bartender: Oh yeah? Me: Yup, sitting at home while the cable man works on th ::rushes home::"
"[Hot Wheels cars zooming through entire house] ""I SWEAR TO GOD KAREN IF YOU DISCONNECT ANY PART OF THIS TRACK I'M DIVORCING YOU"""
"The Snake Handler The snake handler suffered from a reptile dysfinction"
"If things around you don't change, change the thing you're around."
"What do scientists wear? Kelvin Klein"
"[Guy on the Death Star who's really sick of hearing Vader's breathing but is too scared to say anything]: I'm going to put on some music"