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Joke of the Day

"If things around you don't change, change the thing you're around."

"What does a drill with a dildo attached to the end and watching golf have in common? They both bore the fuck out of you!"

"Its good to die like my grandfather, painlessly in his sleep. Its bad to die in a terrible accident, like the passengers on his bus."

"I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me... ...to help check her balance, so I pushed her over."

"Is this one haunted? ""No"" What about that one? ""Ma'am, none of the booze is haunted"" What kind of wine and spirits store is this?!"

"I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes."

"I can't believe it's been 5 years since Tyler Perry's Hurricane Katrina."

"Up votes are a bit like my sex life. It doesn't happen."

"Deja Vu When you think you're doing something you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends."

"A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole"