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Joke of the Day

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only 2, but its really hard to get them inside the bulb."

"ME: So are you gonna put it in me or what NURSE: Sir it's a blood draw please stop saying that"

"Do you know where I can buy tickets to the Gun Show? at the Armitorium."

"I got depressed last night so I called a self help hotline... I couldn't get through, the line was always busy."

"Which Jedi can save PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi"

"What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist"

"I asked a librarian if there are any books on discrimination against people in wheelchairs. She replied ""Yes, it's up the stairs, on the top shelf to the left."""

"Australia wants to secede from the Commonwealth to distance itself from the British Monarchy... It will no longer be a kingdom and it can't be a principality, so it has to be a country."

"My 5 year old thinks that there's a monster under his bed so I assured him that it won't get him as long as he stays in bed until 8AM."

"What do you call a politician with premature ejaculation? A one-pump Trump"