92008

Joke of the Day

"Saying ""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" means basically the same thing... ...except at a funeral. Edit:Thank you Demitri Martian for the joke"

"The last time we had a white Christmas, I made snow angels. I skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians."

"Did you hear about the holocaust museum banning Pokemon? I guess they didn't want a bunch of Ash running around."

"What is the difference between a lentil and a chick pea? Well, for starters I would never pay $200 to have a lentil on my face."

"Don't step outside tonight at 11:59pm You might not make it back till next year"

"What's half a joke look like?"

"Seeing the leaves change in autumn always reminds me of my Grandpa. He died falling out of a tree too."

"Smoke detectors, feel free to use that last bit of battery life to continue monitoring fires instead of getting all beepy."

"I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!' I thought 'thats just a spam'"

"[first date] I'm sorry, I fiddle when I get nervous ""That's okay"" Yeah.... *jams out epic fiddle solo for the rest of the date*"