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Joke of the Day

"I got 99 problems... 100 of them are related to my inability to count."

"My friend's coming over, I've got to be careful... ...my house mates are crazy and he's allergic to nuts. *Yes indeed.*"

"I'm gonna be celebrating MLK the only way I know how... By napping, because you can't have a dream if you aint sleeping."

"Every time I tie my shoe I feel like I'm giving a faraway sniper the go signal."

"What do you get when you mix a red tie and a shit hair cut? Mexico and Canada scratching their heads thinking, how the FUCK!?"

"What does an unborn fetus and a tube of toothpaste have in common? Neither of them can be used as functional tables."

"The last girl I dated reminded me a lot of a cat, she would annoy me for attention, but ignore me once I gave it to her... ...the difference is that I never woke up with her asshole in my face."

"The speed at which you walk into the liquor store says a lot about you as a person."

"Why do fat people like games ? Because they're unfamiliar with the gym."

"Would Bill Cosby make a shitty bartender?"