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Joke of the Day

"I want to be a pharmacist just so I can yell ""Now take these suppositories and shove'em straight up your ass!"""

"I'm going to name my son After Me. So every time he asks to do something cool I say ""ya After Me."""

"Apparently ""you have great tweets"" sounds a lot like ""you have great tits"" in a crowded bar."

"I love my electric toothbrush, but sometimes I just have to break out the acoustic."

"If you feed me & have the heat on high, I will fall asleep on you. So to have a much more interesting date with me keep me hungry and cold"

"Q: What do they use frozen band-aids for? A: Cold cuts."

"Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing? He could really get into the vaultz."

"How many vegan people does it take to change a lightbulb? One vegan, I am vegan, it was me - the vegan, I was the only vegan, it was me."

"You know what they say about a guy with tiny arms? He has tiny legs. (if you know what i mean)"

"What is green sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together ? Chimney Cricket !"