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Joke of the Day

"""Oh snap!"" - branches"

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"I am not a parody account. I am The Lord thy God, King of the Universe, and I am communicating by Twitter because My fax is broken."
"Pulleys are the rednecks of the gear world No teeth"
"(For Star Wars nerds) What do baby Twi'leks wear when they eat fish? A Bib Fortuna"
"What's the difference between a gambler and a Kasich supporter? A gambler might lose."
"[supermarket] *Unpacks 60 items of groceries onto checkout area* CHECKOUT GIRL: I have a boyfriend. ME: Oh, OK. *slowly repacks trolley*"
"If girls is boys If girls were boys for a day,The first thing he did was supposed to be:Pee on a tree"
"Two Scots father and son go to America. - Daddy when we'll arrive? - Shut up and swim."
"It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am."
"I don't like people call me fatty I like people call me to eat."