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Joke of the Day

"Why can't someone who wears glasses get a job? They don't have any contacts!"

"I see that El Chapo has been extradited to the U.S. So we may not get a Mexican wall but I bet we get a tunnel!"

"""I am Santa Claus."" ""No you're not."" ""Yes I am."" ""Ok."" - Miracle on 34th Street in tweet form."

"What do you call a censored DMX song? A really good instrumental"

"Why did the wine critic get kicked off the nudist beach? Because he was walking around with a semillon (semi-on)"

"How did the New Orlean Pelicans get their name? They should've gone with the Hurricanes."

"You're so ugly that You're so ugly when you went to the store to get your photos developed they threw away the memory card"

"My date thinks he's gonna get me drunk, & then get in my pants. The joke is on him, coz my tolerance is sky high & I'm wearing a skirt."

"A few weeks ago my dad decided he was going to order pizza from his iPad. He's almost finished."

"What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime? Paddy O'Furniture! (Happy St. Patrick's Day)"