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Joke of the Day

"You HAVE to listen to this song, it's perfect. Okay, this opening is slow... The vocals aren't great here... Wow. This is trash, and I am trash."

"I think my organ donor girlfriend wants to break up with me. She just doesn't have the guts to do it."

"What's the biggest sign she's just not into you? a restraining order."

"I like my coffee black Like Jesus"

"Now my friends all hate me because I've been keeping my enemies closer."

"why did the tomato cross the road? to become ketchup"

"Reverse psychology is like regular psychology except the woman is facing the other way."

"Why did Simba's dad die in a stampede? Because he didn't Moofassa enough! Edit: general consensus was to add ""enough"""

"A Kindergarten teacher in Detroit asks her class what sound a pig makes... A boy in the back of the class stands up and yells, ""FREEZE MOTHA FUCKA"""

"I live by 2 simple rules: 1. Don't treat people like shit. 2. If any melted cheese gets on your paper plate, you must also eat the plate."