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Joke of the Day

"You HAVE to listen to this song, it's perfect. Okay, this opening is slow... The vocals aren't great here... Wow. This is trash, and I am trash."

"I Need a Drink"

"Friend said I was becoming antisocial. Ridiculous. You build one little moat and people jump to hasty conclusions."

"Dear grapefruit, putting the name of a better fruit in your name doesn't change the fact that you taste like a lemon's butthole."

"What is Fortunato's one weakness? Cryptonight."

"Abortions occur when the Stork is flying over a ravine, gets tired of carrying things and says ""Fuck this."""

"What did the penis say to the condom??? Cover me, I'm going in"

"Human history is so awful, I think I'm just gonna teach my son the timeline of Star Trek off of Wikipedia and call it a day."

"A knock-knock joke that will blow your mind! Knock,Knock... Who is there? ... Old Lady Lahey... ... Old Lady Lahey Who? ... Holy shit, I didn't know you could yodel!"

"can you start monday at 8? ""yes, thank you for the opportunity"" [calls new boss at his home on sunday night] hello? ""am or pm?"""