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Joke of the Day

"Which profession has the worst sense of humour? Well, chiropodists like *corny* jokes. But opticians like them *cornea*."

"just saw the gorilla thing. what kind of thoughtless, negligent parent would raise their child in ohio"

"""Hand me downs"" Apparently not the right way to ask the wife to hand me our disabled baby."

"I lost my wife a year ago today. Sadly, within four days I won her back."

"If it weren't for double standards, some people would have no standards at all."

"What do you say to a kid if they give you a picture? That's pretty shit mate. My 20 year old cousin who has no arms can draw better than you. You have no talent, deal with it."

"I wish there was an emotional song about that moment you realize you're almost done with your burrito. Get on that, Taylor Swift."

"[REQUEST] FAST! I'm trying to impress a girl by text. Send me your funniest jokes about potatoes. Anything having to do with potatoes. NSFW or not anything's fair game."

"[Lab] Co-worker: ""Where's all the microscope oil and acetic acid?"" Me: (with a mouthful of salad topped with vinaigrette) I dunno."

"The president of a popular mail-order business just died. The funeral will be held in 3 - 5 business days."