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Joke of the Day

"German people are so rude. I helped someone in Berlin and all he did was call me ""donkey."""

"So my girlfriend told me to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter. Well, I've got some news for her."

"[Voice from police helicopter] PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR! *raises hands* *takes flattering selfie in helicopter spotlight* *uploads new avi*"

"What's the difference between my dick and my paycheck? I don't have to beg my wife to blow my paycheck."

"A little boy skips school... Grandpa: ""Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today!!"" Little Boy: ""No you go hide because I told her you were dead!"""

"After everything I put, say to yourself 'So did Michael Jackson' I went to the beach on a sunny day. I saw an ice cream stall. I bought an ice cream. It melted."

"A feminist asked me how I see lesbians Apparently in ""HD"" wasn't the right answer"

"[elevator] ""Wanna buy a spoon?"" Huh, no, why? [elevator slowly fills with pudding] [opens briefcase filled with spoons] [sheepishly] Yes."

"What do you get when you cross a Jamaican and a Scotsman Dreadlochs"

"I think that the best Christmas present is the one that you make yourself you know? Like, crystal meth."