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Joke of the Day

"I have a particular set of skills, skills that allow me to open beer cans so no one in the house knows I'm drinking."

"Did you hear about that broom on the news?? It's sweeping the nation"

"I'm working on a script for a horror movie. It's called *my diary*"

"I always hoped my kids wouldn't have to suffer the same things I had to. Then Michael Bolton comes back...."

"Why isn't your nose 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot"

"Whenever somebody asks us how long we've been married... Whenever somebody asks us how long we've been married, we always answer: Me: Eight wonderful years. Wife: Eleven years."

"""Half a dozen"" because saying '6' is way too long... >_<"

"Told my Vegan Friend to stop with the Puns. He said oh kale no"

"What do you call a racist police officer? A Police Officer"

"I hear Superman is a very overprotective parent. His kids are under constant super-vision."