210533

Joke of the Day

"[Breakup] Her: We're just different Him: How? Her: Well, you want to hike & camp Him: And? Her: And I want to be a cartoon on the internet"

"That heroic moment where one of your chips break off in the dip and you send another one into save it."

"The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi."

"Time out. Otters not only sleep holding hands, but have a SPECIAL POCKET to hold their favorite rock? Humans are bullshit."

"Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner."

"How did the two Irish gay guys know they were meant for each other? Their names are Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald."

"Did you hear about the cow that doesn't give any milk? It's an udder disappointment."

"Interviewer: We offer great benefits. Me: Can I take my two weeks vacation before I start?"

"Can God be an atheist? Yes, if he has low self esteem and stops believing in himself."

"It's 2080. Every living human is named Taylor. Dogs are the size of hamsters. The iPhone 47 is the size of a parachute. Weed is mandatory."