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Joke of the Day

"There's a new video subscription service in Russia called Nyetflix But the rental period is too short so you're always Russian!"

"Instead of looking for things that divide you look for things that bring you together, like the way you all look for things that divide you."

"[I wake up next to a fishing net full of salmon] But that means... [Cut to fisherman at sea, with my dreamcatcher full of howling goblins]"

"*gazes at laptop screen*avoids making eye contact with own reflection*"

"How did the fish's tail get stuck in the anchor chain? It was just a fluke!"

"3 (calls out): daddy I'm cleaning the floor with a mob. Me: you mean a mop? (enters to see 100 people licking the floor) no ok that's a mob"

"What joke did drake get when talking to diddy? The punchline"

"Why did Timmy fall off the swings? Didn't have any hands.. (the real punch line) Knock knock.. Who's there? Not Timmy.."

"What did the magazine say to the comic book? Boy, do we have issues!"

"What do you call an angry, seafaring mathematician? -rate!!!"