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Joke of the Day

"i spilled something on my sleeve but instead of trying to get the stain out i just rolled my sleeve up higher i can't wait to be an adult"

"Damn girl, are you from Syria? Because you're revolting."

"What do you call a booth babe at Apple's events? ICandy"

"WIFE: please come out of there so we can talk ME: [from cardboard box] i'm sorry come out of where? WIFE: [sigh] please exit the spacecraft"

"What do a redneck and hippie have in common? They both hate the government."

"What is a witch's favourite TV show? Lifestyles of the Witch and Famous!"

"2 guys walk into a bar... the third one ducks"

"Sometimes you need a little distance to see things clearly, but other times it is obviously a bear and you should probably just run"

"They're marketing headphones specifically for gorillas now Rumor has it they'll be called Harambeats. I'm so sorry."

"What do you call a Dr. that shares your medical history with everyone? a HIPAAcrite"