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Joke of the Day

"Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person is typing... Person says: hi"

"Him: your so funny, smart & beautiful how are you still single Me: *you're"

"How do you blindfold an Asian person? You put floss over his eyes."

"I got drunk last night and my house wasn't where I left it."

"Unexplainable things: 1) Stonehenge 2) ESP 3) How my car insurance company can magically lower my renewal cost when I threaten to leave them"

"Something tells me that girl with the word ""Princess"" tattooed on her neck isn't really Royalty."

"[Me as a Realtor] BUYERS: this is a great house, what's the catch? ME: Well, it is a bit.. [cant think of the word haunted] ghost encrusted"

"Lip Balm To My Wife Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She's still not talking to me."

"The good news about falling down the stairs is that my Fitbit counted it as a mile walk."

"My girlfriend says there's no difference between Asians and Caucasians. She really can't tell White from Wong."