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Joke of the Day

"[Dumbledore gets hit with Avada Kedavra] HOUSE MD: I think he had lupus."

"Anytime I'm watching something on tv my wife starts talking to me as if her words are going to expire if she doesn't use them."

"Today my friend accused me of being condescending. It's ridiculous, I don't even think he knows what that word means."

"Mysteries of #Gravity: Why Bullock's hair, in otherwise convincing zero-G scenes, did not float freely on her head."

"I just ate a silica salt packet and I've been using a plastic bag as a toy because I live life on the motherfucking edge."

"I'm not the hero Gotham deserves. I'm Pete I work at Subway. Do u want extra meetballs."

"My friend told me to let loose and be reckless today so I walked really fast with a bowl full of hot soup."

"Have you ever smelt moth balls before? Isn't it hard to pull their little legs apart?"

"How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know I keep throwing them it just doesn't change."

"I just had sex with a 16-year-old girl on an elevator... It was wrong on so many levels."