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Joke of the Day

"Today my friend accused me of being condescending. It's ridiculous, I don't even think he knows what that word means."

"The only difference between the people I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him."

"Why is 7 in front of 9 Q: why is 7 in front of 9 A: Because 7 8 9"

"How do you find a blind man in an orgee It's not hard"

"I would make a joke about gold But that would just be Auful"

"Why did the arborist plant new pine trees on their front lawn? To spruce things up a bit."

"What did the cannibalistic lion do? Swallow his pride."

"Fantastic exercise that really helps you to lose weight: Turn your head to the left. Good. Turn your head to the right. Very good. Repeat this exercise whenever you are offered any food."

"Did you hear that the king of the jungle fell into a deep, deep sleep? He's a lion in a coma."

"The Constitution says nothing about it being illegal for cats to carry firearms and this worries me immensely."