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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a philanthropist and Nicki Minaj? A philanthropist likes to impress people with his larg**esse**! :-P"

"So they've announced Taken 3..... So they've announced that they're making a Taken 3. I'm starting to think that Liam Neeson's very particular set of skills are a bit shit!"

"Q: Why were screams coming from the kitchen? A: The cook was beating the eggs."

"If you've had a lightsaber pointed at you while you were on the toilet you may be a parent ...or your life is way more interesting than mine"

"*Sets cellphone ringtone to sound like office fire alarm *calls cell phone *waits"

"before you do a horrific crime, double check whether you could get the death penalty for it and if so whether you really want to do it"

"So I finally decided to read one of Freud's books today... It's been shitting on my self for awhile now."

"Stopped shaving for November, at first I hated the mustache, but what can I say? It's grown on me."

"Patron: Didn't you tell me the chef here cooked for the late heads of Europe? Waiter: Yes and that's why they are the late heads of Europe."

"What kind of fish is made out of two sodium atoms? Tuna (2Na)."